Revelation
My love’s labor is lost
I attempted my best
Words, time and energy
All worn out to fate
My sole dream lies crippled
Unable to express
Letters to a million Gods
Flowers at countless altars
Wrenching hearts and cursing cries
Tears choking oceans until they die
Nothing seems to alter
My past neither present
Is there a God?
I ask myself
Like many hundreds in line
There is no answer
Obviously!
For when has God had the time!
Nights squeeze darker
Pillows lie sodden
Snakes of pain
Slither around
I hold HIM responsible
For who else can be
He is the one that
Made you and me ....
Then eons later
The sun settles to shine
It’s been so long
My eyes cache no more brine
But these rays of Trust are here to stay
I cannot believe that I live today
I awaken to a new illumination
Its how I have been utterly wrong
I questioned His benevolence
In MY time of need
I always blamed Him
For not hearing me plead
My mind today is bright and clear
What a waste of all these years!
Blame not Him for
The grief and strife
But
Credit to his grace
For the goodness of life
1 comment:
Comments from Museindia.com
Dear Apurva. You are so mature for your age! You write beautifully. Hope the shawl and warmth make up for everyone's cold times. Love you,
Julie Acharya Ray, Salt Lake City, Utah
Feb 27, 2009
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Beautiful Julie! I have been trying all my life...okay, from the time i started relating with my self/God,to be a balanced person. Somehow, theses days i see a change in the way i percieve things. I am 10% less sad when things go wrong and 5% less happy when its a joyous occassion. After all all things are emporary, what to fight for? Just to face it and move on! Well easier said than done. But with faith, hope and God's beautiful answers to each doubt(most of the times) i see a slight improvement within compared to the past. Am sure Pooja will cover herself with this beautiful shawl presented. I add my warmth to it. Smilies:).
Apurva, Secunderabad
Feb 24, 2009
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Dear Pooja,
We all touch each other's lives in several ways. I do not need to see you to feel your pain. There is something called 'Time'. No one has been able to explain that. I will not even attempt to do so! But I will tell you my story.
Like all ordinary mortals I lose faith once in a while and I blame it squarely on God. Who else can I blame? My parents? Friends? My boss? My husband? Children? I dont think any of these characters are responsible for me. In fact, blaming it on God makes me feel good.
I will tell you a simple incident of my relationship with God. After coming to the US there are many aspects of struggle. Sometimes they overwhelm your life. I will relate one aspect here which is as simple as a driving test. As soon as you set foot in this country, you are forced to drive (otherwise life in this country comes literally to a halt) and for the likes of small town girls like me, it was a very scary act. The roads are huge, cars are powerful, people are impatient and the speeds are crazy. My husband goaded me into learning all the lessons that are needed for passing the test. The first time I failed the test, I barely knew how to drive so I did not think much about it. The most difficult lesson (for me) has always been street parallel parking. For the second drive test, I practiced and practiced and practiced for a month every morning in our local parking lot, until I was perfect both theoritically and practically. Even my husband thought I was good enough!
I went for the test. I did well in all the lessons. When it came to parallel parking, I was horribly scared that I would fail and since I had a job offer, it would be impossible for me to join unless I could drive. I did the moves and parked the car 10 inches further from the side walk than was mandatory. The officer told me I had failed. It meant that the job would go, I would be more dependant on my husband for every small errand, many other things that would be impossible to achieve and worst of all it brought down my self confidence to rock bottom.
We drove home in our car from the test site. I was beside myself with anger-- again so angry with that 'person' called God!!! I came home, went to my little puja altar, made a tight fist and came smashing down on the old photo of Jagannath, Balabhadra and Subhadra. I cried my heart out, blamed the Trio and promised I would never do puja again. For three days I never went to the altar. On the 4th day, I felt bad as if for my child-- that they hadn't bathed and eaten for 3 days! I did the puja on the 4th day, but very lack lusture.
My husband wouldn't let go of me though. He forced me to practice more for the next test which was a month later. And our fights continued because I became a reluctant, pessimistic and belligerant student thereafter. For the 3rd test, I went nonchalantly, did all the moves without a care and passed the test. When they took my photo for the license, I thanked the 'Trio'!
That's when I told myself that I'd rather relate to my God as my friend than a giver. I will thank Him for the blessings that come my way rather than waste my breath (and His!!) blaming Him for my misfortunes. And I thought it was a neat trick to follow in my life. I am grateful that Jagannath gives me a chance to fist fight with Him but I'd be happier hugging Him!
To Atreyaji, Rambrahamji: Thank you for taking the time to read. I enjoyed and agree with your pearls of wisdom.
To Cheryl: Next time, give Him a cold shoulder when you are in pain and thank Him when the pain is done (may be eons later). Try this trick and see if it saves some heartache.
Julie Acharya Ray, Salt Lake City, Utah
Feb 24, 2009
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Julie Madam,
This is my response after reading the poem thoroughly..I do trust God and his strength. But I feel he gives you happiness unexpectedly and before you feel happy about it, he turns it into deep remorse..Why does this happen? Is he partial? Whom to ask this question? If He has given us sorrow and pain, he should as well answer why he did so. After sunset, we are all very sure about sunrise because we have never seen any change in the pattern. Since eons it hasn't changed. But is it true with human lives?
Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur
Feb 23, 2009
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Julie, this is a moving poem about faith. Benigno Aquino, the man martyred by the Marcos dictator and husband of former President Corazon Aquino once said, "Where reason ends, faith begins." I admire people who can keep their faith. I cannot. Like most people, I meander between doubt and faith. Most of the time, I have doubts because of all the social ills I see around. Thanks for sharing. Warmest regards.
Cheryl Daytec-Yangot, Philippines
Feb 23, 2009
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Dear Julie, I appreciate the sentiment, beauty and telepathy suffusing the poem and the dedication. Man's weakness is: he is haughty in times of happiness, not acknowledging the divine hand; and while in trouble deprecates God as if He is under a law of contract. Warm regards.
U Atreya Sarma, Secunderabad-56
Feb 23, 2009
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Very well-said. God, though not granting all our wishes and prayers, will always give us the necessary strength and romantic view of life to face life in its illumining and dark phases. Enjoyed your creation for Pooja equally as Pooja. Regards
Varanasi Ramabrahmam, Pondicherry
Feb 23, 2009
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Julie Madam,
I started reading your poem...I had a doubt when I read the title and first two lines...Then I read the first 3 stanzas. My doubt was no more a doubt...I scrolled down till the poem got over and I read the line written by you, This is for my muse friend Pooja...I still have to read the poem...I shall read now again...I have heard that eyes speak everything... But you haven't seen me...Then how could know me? I think words also speak everything...I am very thankful to you..
Dr Pooja G Bhuyar, Bijapur
Feb 23, 2009
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