Of Dads
As we returned home from a New Year's party where Anu had roaring fun running around the house with kids her age at 2 am in the morning, I thought she would fall fast asleep the moment the car came to life. In our 1 hour drive back home I had trouble keeping my eyes open. At times I watched Abhijit drive while chewing his finger nails and I knew all was well. He did that to ward off sleep during long drives.
I glanced back once to check on the kids. Shuma was fast asleep but Anu was still wide eyed. I was surprised. She gave me a very serious look and I thought she wanted to tell me something.
We reached home and I ran to open the door because it was freezing cold outside. Anu chugged along with Abhijit through the parking lot and came inside. I asked her "Why aren't you sleepy Anu?". She brought her head low down to her chest and I knew that meant tears. I asked her "Whats wrong Anu?". She blurted out "Baba will be gone tomorrow".
Abhijit had decided to take up a new job in the Univ of Utah and talking about Utah was anathema to the rest of us in the family. No one wants to be displaced in life. Neither from home nor from parents or friends. But we all do it it once in a while. Some are lucky. Like us. My sisters and I spent all our childhood and part of our adulthood in one house. For 23 years in the same house.
I tried to be normal with Anu, telling her he would be back in 6 weeks and then in summer we would go to him. "Go to Utah, not to leave MD", I explained, "but to be in a new place for a few months or perhaps a few years". She did not stop weeping. Abhijit carried her to bed while I struggled to get her into her night clothes. She remained clinging to her Baba for a while on her own bed. And then a little later came and slept with us.
Every morning when we drop off Anu at her school before-care program, she takes a kiss from me and Abhijit on her two palms, very careful about which hand belongs to whom. Never mixing the two. A year back when she had joined school with other 6 year olds, her kindergarten teacher had told them to carry these kisses in their hands so that "Dad and Mom would be with you through the day and you would never have to cry".
Anu continued this act everyday. Some days when she would have a fight with Abhijit while getting into the car, she would not take his kiss! Abhijit would plead and she would fight and that would continue until I would shout "OK its getting late".
Today as I sat beside her in the car on the back seat, I saw Anu slide her gloves up a little bit and finalize in her mind which palm belonged to whom. As the car stopped in front of her school, she stretched her palm out for Baba to kiss. Just as every other day they wished each other "Have a marvelous day". While I walked it inside with her I asked "Anu, are you sad?". She looked up very tearfully at me. I took her inside to the day care and told her favorite Ms Betty, "Anu is sad. Her dad has taken up a job in Utah and is moving there today".
Ms Betty is an African American lady in her 60s. She leads the day care program at Deep Run Elementary. My mother had taken a liking for her in her US visit last year and would talk to Ms Betty in her broken english when she went to drop off Anu at school everyday. When my mother was ready to go back to India she asked me if she could give a gift to Ms Betty. I found a nice purse for her and at my mother's instructions wrote a letter to Ms Betty. The gist of the letter was heart wrenching. My mother asked Ms Betty to be Anu's Grand Ma when she was gone. Ms Betty had taken a great liking for Anu after that and several times when I went to pick Anu up in the evening she could be heard asking her fellow volunteers "where is my dear grandchild? Ask her to pack up. Her mom is here to pick her up".
Today Ms Betty looked at me and asked "Are you moving too?". I murmured "Eventually". She looked at Anu and said "Don't take my baby yet". Anu looked very sad.
I signed her attendance sheet and came back to the car. We drove to work.
At closing time I went to pick up Anu. We were on our way to the airport. She ran into my arms. I asked "Anu are you still sad?". She said "Mama, you know I cried at school today". I said "Again?". She said "Actually Mama, I was feeling like blabbering out my feelings but still wanted it to be personal, so I thought I should talk to Ms Neperud". I was almost laughing at her sudden use of adult words. "So" she continued, "I was telling Ms Neperud about Baba going away and then I began to cry. Ms Neperud gave me a good suggestion. She asked me to carry Baba's picture with me all the time. I was glad I spoke to her because I felt much better after that. Ms Neperud also told me not to carry it in my pant pocket because it might get washed in the washer. I must carry it in my school bag".
Abhijit had woken up the kids very early in the morning to take a family picture on our digital camera. It was a big thing for Anu. She wanted that photograph as her screen saver.
We drove to the airport. The kids touched their father's feet like they would do for anyone going away for a long time. We walked to security and held ourselves back as we reached the officer. Each one took turns hugging him. Everyone was teary eyed. As he kept going deeper into the queue, Shuma and I hoisted Anu to take a look at Baba. I felt her body muscles tense as she spotted him in the crowd after some time. Abhijit continued to wave and we waved back.
Suddenly I was reminded of all the Dads in the world! What a fantastic feeling to be a parent! To have someone love you so dearly. To be a sense of utmost security to your children. My mind wandered off to all the Dads that go to Iraq-Afghanistan through this very same security line, that leave their kids, waving them good bye, that hug them never to set eyes on them again. My mind wandered off to other Dads that leave their kids to go into another relationship with another woman. Of the devastated kids that they all leave behind to mourn in the wake of their loss---loss of life or loss of love. All the same.
We craned our necks until we saw him no more.
At night Anu went to Abhijit's closet and took out his humongous UMAB School of Pharmacy sweat shirt and wore it to bed. As I read Harry Potter's Deathly Hallows to ward off sleep, I heard her cry. "Mama, I miss Baba" she wept. "Hug me to sleep Mama" she said. I looked at Shuma on the other side of the bed. She had taken her position as the next woman in the family
As we returned home from a New Year's party where Anu had roaring fun running around the house with kids her age at 2 am in the morning, I thought she would fall fast asleep the moment the car came to life. In our 1 hour drive back home I had trouble keeping my eyes open. At times I watched Abhijit drive while chewing his finger nails and I knew all was well. He did that to ward off sleep during long drives.
I glanced back once to check on the kids. Shuma was fast asleep but Anu was still wide eyed. I was surprised. She gave me a very serious look and I thought she wanted to tell me something.
We reached home and I ran to open the door because it was freezing cold outside. Anu chugged along with Abhijit through the parking lot and came inside. I asked her "Why aren't you sleepy Anu?". She brought her head low down to her chest and I knew that meant tears. I asked her "Whats wrong Anu?". She blurted out "Baba will be gone tomorrow".
Abhijit had decided to take up a new job in the Univ of Utah and talking about Utah was anathema to the rest of us in the family. No one wants to be displaced in life. Neither from home nor from parents or friends. But we all do it it once in a while. Some are lucky. Like us. My sisters and I spent all our childhood and part of our adulthood in one house. For 23 years in the same house.
I tried to be normal with Anu, telling her he would be back in 6 weeks and then in summer we would go to him. "Go to Utah, not to leave MD", I explained, "but to be in a new place for a few months or perhaps a few years". She did not stop weeping. Abhijit carried her to bed while I struggled to get her into her night clothes. She remained clinging to her Baba for a while on her own bed. And then a little later came and slept with us.
Every morning when we drop off Anu at her school before-care program, she takes a kiss from me and Abhijit on her two palms, very careful about which hand belongs to whom. Never mixing the two. A year back when she had joined school with other 6 year olds, her kindergarten teacher had told them to carry these kisses in their hands so that "Dad and Mom would be with you through the day and you would never have to cry".
Anu continued this act everyday. Some days when she would have a fight with Abhijit while getting into the car, she would not take his kiss! Abhijit would plead and she would fight and that would continue until I would shout "OK its getting late".
Today as I sat beside her in the car on the back seat, I saw Anu slide her gloves up a little bit and finalize in her mind which palm belonged to whom. As the car stopped in front of her school, she stretched her palm out for Baba to kiss. Just as every other day they wished each other "Have a marvelous day". While I walked it inside with her I asked "Anu, are you sad?". She looked up very tearfully at me. I took her inside to the day care and told her favorite Ms Betty, "Anu is sad. Her dad has taken up a job in Utah and is moving there today".
Ms Betty is an African American lady in her 60s. She leads the day care program at Deep Run Elementary. My mother had taken a liking for her in her US visit last year and would talk to Ms Betty in her broken english when she went to drop off Anu at school everyday. When my mother was ready to go back to India she asked me if she could give a gift to Ms Betty. I found a nice purse for her and at my mother's instructions wrote a letter to Ms Betty. The gist of the letter was heart wrenching. My mother asked Ms Betty to be Anu's Grand Ma when she was gone. Ms Betty had taken a great liking for Anu after that and several times when I went to pick Anu up in the evening she could be heard asking her fellow volunteers "where is my dear grandchild? Ask her to pack up. Her mom is here to pick her up".
Today Ms Betty looked at me and asked "Are you moving too?". I murmured "Eventually". She looked at Anu and said "Don't take my baby yet". Anu looked very sad.
I signed her attendance sheet and came back to the car. We drove to work.
At closing time I went to pick up Anu. We were on our way to the airport. She ran into my arms. I asked "Anu are you still sad?". She said "Mama, you know I cried at school today". I said "Again?". She said "Actually Mama, I was feeling like blabbering out my feelings but still wanted it to be personal, so I thought I should talk to Ms Neperud". I was almost laughing at her sudden use of adult words. "So" she continued, "I was telling Ms Neperud about Baba going away and then I began to cry. Ms Neperud gave me a good suggestion. She asked me to carry Baba's picture with me all the time. I was glad I spoke to her because I felt much better after that. Ms Neperud also told me not to carry it in my pant pocket because it might get washed in the washer. I must carry it in my school bag".
Abhijit had woken up the kids very early in the morning to take a family picture on our digital camera. It was a big thing for Anu. She wanted that photograph as her screen saver.
We drove to the airport. The kids touched their father's feet like they would do for anyone going away for a long time. We walked to security and held ourselves back as we reached the officer. Each one took turns hugging him. Everyone was teary eyed. As he kept going deeper into the queue, Shuma and I hoisted Anu to take a look at Baba. I felt her body muscles tense as she spotted him in the crowd after some time. Abhijit continued to wave and we waved back.
Suddenly I was reminded of all the Dads in the world! What a fantastic feeling to be a parent! To have someone love you so dearly. To be a sense of utmost security to your children. My mind wandered off to all the Dads that go to Iraq-Afghanistan through this very same security line, that leave their kids, waving them good bye, that hug them never to set eyes on them again. My mind wandered off to other Dads that leave their kids to go into another relationship with another woman. Of the devastated kids that they all leave behind to mourn in the wake of their loss---loss of life or loss of love. All the same.
We craned our necks until we saw him no more.
At night Anu went to Abhijit's closet and took out his humongous UMAB School of Pharmacy sweat shirt and wore it to bed. As I read Harry Potter's Deathly Hallows to ward off sleep, I heard her cry. "Mama, I miss Baba" she wept. "Hug me to sleep Mama" she said. I looked at Shuma on the other side of the bed. She had taken her position as the next woman in the family
after me. She held herself pretty well.
Anu with Ms Betty, Jan 2008
2 comments:
u made me cry early in the morn with such a beautiful story...i hope Ms.Betty continues to be the grandma that ur mom wanted her to be :)
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